BEYOND IMAGININGS

Being a parent, this coming from the mother of three grown children, seems the most honorable and profound job a human being can undertake.  Our own parents plied us with all the platitudes that were bestowed upon them by their parents.  But not one does us any good until we've endured the 'hands on' trials.  We go through the self-doubts, guilt trips, and shoulda's and coulda's, before we can accept that doing the best we can is all we can do.

I read somewhere that everything we learned growing up, whether taught by our parents, or by influences outside the home - we'll pass on to our kids.... our methods of disciplining, reasoning, do-as-I-say/not-as-I-do rubbish, our belief systems, lessons learned from mistakes, etc.  That just is not so... or maybe I'm NOT a chip off the old block.  For instance, unlike the lack of affection in my growing up years, I lavish it on my kids.  Unlike how we were seen and not heard, I listened to my kids and talked/reasoned with them.  Unlike the lack of participation in our lives outside the home, I took part in every activity that my kids would allow me to.  And then did all I could, inclusive of going broke, to provide them with opportunities they showed interest in.

We're also told that parenting gets easier as our children grow and our families expand.  Whoever said that surely couldn't have been parents.  After having two girls of my own, and being the 2nd oldest of 5 female siblings, all I was familiar with were girl babies... so, when I learned I was carrying a boy 21 years ago, I was initially terrified - even vocally denied it... until the moment he was born.  Everything just fell into place then.  His was the hardest labor and delivery, he had colic during the wee hours of the morning for 3 months, he cut open his head (for so little muscle outside the bone, it sure bleeds a lot!) more than once (well, what do you expect from a real boy!), and now he drives his mother nuts with his 20-year-old me-me-me mentality.  There are no vices that I know of (knock on wood), except his video game systems and his passion - skateboarding.  Oh yeah, I've had to force myself from turning away when he's attempted flying over a flight of steps, or skidded the tail of his board along a rail, as he's suspended in air.

But no matter what, to me he's just awesome.  He's gorgeous for one, and that's not just a biased mom talking.  I hear it a lot.  He's polite, friendly, remembers all the pertinent birthdays and holidays... and, hasn't left the nest yet (that IS a biased mom talking).  He's quiet, reserved, and surely DOES NOT wear his emotions on his sleeve - which is a source of dire frustration at times.  He works hard at a good job, just recently bought his first car (brand new 2008), and is quite the social butterfly - has so many friends I can't keep track of them, but only a handful of 'best' ones.  I couldn't ask for better, considering how so many kids turn out these days.

So... when, he recently broke up with 'the' girlfriend, I found myself hurting for him; through most likely I was hurting for me too - for life around the house is more tolerable when my son is more animated.  Does it get easier?  I don't think so.  He's my heart, my baby - and always will be.

We all go through it, sure.  I just wanted him to know in my way that I'm there for him.  I soooooooo want to know what happened!  He says he doesn't want to talk about it.  But I'll be patient and not push him... for as long as I can!

Hmmmmm.... I'm just being a parent!  Maybe in another 10 years or so he'll recognize that I'm a valid entity in his life.  In the meantime, just having him close is a blessing.